Casey!! I so enjoyed reading this and am so touched that you responded to my post with such beautiful and insightful reflections from your own coming-out experience. It’s very easy ime to feel like all the problems of queer identity are solved in our present moment, and that coming out is a single moment and then it’s done…the reality, as you wrote about so thoughtfully, is that it can take a very long time to settle into actual self-acceptance and a sense of pride.
I really relate to the feeling of not wanting to make a big deal of it—only recently have I felt that I SHOULD be part of gay/queer communities and that I don’t have to apologetically diminish this part of myself. Loved reading this—thank you!!!
it's an ongoing process for sure, and part of pride for me is leaning into that and becoming comfortable with the idea of being changed by other (transformative, perhaps) people and experiences. i'm so glad you enjoyed the essay! it's lovely to find community here on substack — it's especially meaningful to form a connection with another queer writer. <3
Likewise—so nice to feel a sense of community on Substack with you & others! I used to feel embarrassed to talk about my experiences because I didn’t feel “queer enough”—but I think so many people feel like their experiences are too different, too late, too non-normative &c…to the point where maybe that insecurity is actually the norm? So it’s really nice to get to share my own stories and feel a sense of identification/comfort from other people’s stories too.
I also think about how many stories of heterosexual identity and coming-of-age and dating and so on exist in the world—and no one is like “omg I’m sick of yet another love story/self-acceptance journey”…so surely we can have more of those stories from a queer perspective!
Your Meandering, or meandering, always gets back to the subject, but the beginning note in this post about your lower-case choice, doesn't bring me, a very old man who tends to meander...to understand WHY, you are dropping upper case for titles. Normally the initial letter of title words are capitalized to make it clear that the word cluster IS a title. In the case of "IS" in my previous sentence, I use upper case to emphasize and make the word louder in your mind, which would be done properly if not better, by shifting to italics, but that's a pain in the ass, and not as good. So then ... what was I saying?
admittedly this post takes fewer long diversions than others. we’re each entitled to our perspectives about how/to what end to meander! as for the lowercase titles, at the end of the day it’s a stylistic choice! as would be capitalizing an entire word vs. italicizing, i suppose. or perhaps there is a subtle difference…
All rivers eventually make it to the sea so a good bit of meandering is a subtle and pleasant way of getting there. Doing all or part in lower case has been a thing since e.e. cumimngs whom I admire, started it ... for unclear reasons, but to popular effect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._E._Cummings I capitalize titles so that the reader does not mistake them for fruit fly parades and try to brush them off. keeponkeepingonCsy
Casey!! I so enjoyed reading this and am so touched that you responded to my post with such beautiful and insightful reflections from your own coming-out experience. It’s very easy ime to feel like all the problems of queer identity are solved in our present moment, and that coming out is a single moment and then it’s done…the reality, as you wrote about so thoughtfully, is that it can take a very long time to settle into actual self-acceptance and a sense of pride.
I really relate to the feeling of not wanting to make a big deal of it—only recently have I felt that I SHOULD be part of gay/queer communities and that I don’t have to apologetically diminish this part of myself. Loved reading this—thank you!!!
it's an ongoing process for sure, and part of pride for me is leaning into that and becoming comfortable with the idea of being changed by other (transformative, perhaps) people and experiences. i'm so glad you enjoyed the essay! it's lovely to find community here on substack — it's especially meaningful to form a connection with another queer writer. <3
Likewise—so nice to feel a sense of community on Substack with you & others! I used to feel embarrassed to talk about my experiences because I didn’t feel “queer enough”—but I think so many people feel like their experiences are too different, too late, too non-normative &c…to the point where maybe that insecurity is actually the norm? So it’s really nice to get to share my own stories and feel a sense of identification/comfort from other people’s stories too.
I also think about how many stories of heterosexual identity and coming-of-age and dating and so on exist in the world—and no one is like “omg I’m sick of yet another love story/self-acceptance journey”…so surely we can have more of those stories from a queer perspective!
Your Meandering, or meandering, always gets back to the subject, but the beginning note in this post about your lower-case choice, doesn't bring me, a very old man who tends to meander...to understand WHY, you are dropping upper case for titles. Normally the initial letter of title words are capitalized to make it clear that the word cluster IS a title. In the case of "IS" in my previous sentence, I use upper case to emphasize and make the word louder in your mind, which would be done properly if not better, by shifting to italics, but that's a pain in the ass, and not as good. So then ... what was I saying?
admittedly this post takes fewer long diversions than others. we’re each entitled to our perspectives about how/to what end to meander! as for the lowercase titles, at the end of the day it’s a stylistic choice! as would be capitalizing an entire word vs. italicizing, i suppose. or perhaps there is a subtle difference…
All rivers eventually make it to the sea so a good bit of meandering is a subtle and pleasant way of getting there. Doing all or part in lower case has been a thing since e.e. cumimngs whom I admire, started it ... for unclear reasons, but to popular effect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._E._Cummings I capitalize titles so that the reader does not mistake them for fruit fly parades and try to brush them off. keeponkeepingonCsy
I know what pride is. It's having a son like you
thank you mom 💕
I love you